Feeling Negative

I really, honestly thought this was the cycle. I don't know why, I just had a good feeling about it (although, this definitely isn't the first time I've had a "good feeling" about a negative cycle). I was pretty sure I ovulated on time (my face broke out and my boobs ached...yes, I get really fantastic symptoms), and we had lots of sex. Even twice in one day!!

But my boobs have been sore SINCE ovulation, like early pregnancy sore. I was starving all the time, but after a few bites I was stuffed. And my stomach felt weird. That's not really a symptom, but it felt different, like something was pulling on my belly button from the inside. I realize that's totally meaningless, but I was sure it was so different from normal that it must mean I was pregnant. 

Today I'm spotting. If there's a silver lining to this, it's that my cycle was 29-30 days--getting much more regular. I also can hopefully get into to see my doctor in December and use up the rest of our HSA for this year. I didn't want to schedule an appointment while I was still waiting to find out if I was pregnant. Unlike many infertile women, I don't like to pee test. I used to, but too many negatives have made me sad. I don't know why, but I'd just rather find out by getting my period in the morning than by a test yelling "Not Pregnant" at me. It just seems to hurt less.

Some day soon I should start charting again and using OPKs. I tried for a while, but my temperatures were all over the place--after four months there wasn't even a hint of a pattern. And the OPKs were just waste of money.

My best friend is almost 30 weeks pregnant, and she struggled for a year to conceive too. I was so happy that our pregnancies could overlap at least a little bit. I counted the weeks until I could tell my parents. I don't know why I do that...set myself up to be disappointed. But I do it every month.

Cycle Day 1 will either be today or tomorrow. 

And I'm feeling really good about this cycle.