Monday, February 24, 2014

Babies

I'm not someone who thinks all babies are adorable. Most babies look like a cross between Winston Churchill and a potato. If you have doubts about the cuteness of your baby, I'm not the girl you want to show off newborn photos. I'm a pretty good faker--I'll smile and nod, but I also have to admit that I remarked to my husband during church yesterday that the Callun's new baby looks like Chris Farley. In the best possible way, of course.

This isn't really my fault. My mom recalls that her first thoughts after delivering my sister were, "I've just given birth to E.T.!" She and my dad often remarked that as a baby, minus a gold hoop earring, I was pretty much a dead ringer for Mr. Clean.

I'll admit, there are some darn cute babies out there. I'll see a photo occasionally and really admit--that is a beautiful baby. However, those seem to be fewer and far between all the many babies that look like John Malkovich.

My best friend Emma gave birth to her long-awaited baby a few weeks ago. When I was visiting her a month ago, Emma shoved a scary 3-D ultrasound photo in my hands. "Lilee, I am so nervous for this kid. It already has my nose!" Emma's nose isn't that bad--though it is a noticeable family trait. And on a baby, it's a little unfortunate.

Her baby looks like a baby. He isn't hideous or anything, but not especially cute either. He looks like a newborn. And a little like Patrick Stewart.

The unfortunate part is that she gave him a really terrible name. When visiting her the last time, we talked about names. She and her husband didn't know the gender of the baby until he was born, and apparently they were pulling for a girl since they agreed on a girl name, but not for a boy.

Of course Emma's lived with a pretty common name her whole life. I get not wanting your kid to have the same name as a classmate, or his entire class, but they really just made up a name. And I think a word. And dang it, sometimes you just want to be able to a get a toothbrush/pencil/souvenir key chain with your name on it!

I suppose I'm only writing this because I'm in the middle of a bitterly long two-week wait. Bobby has his state tournament this weekend, so I'll be chaperoning the girls team. There's a huge overlap between the girls on the basketball team and my volleyball team, so I don't mind spending a few nights in a hotel catching up with the girls. Except that my period is scheduled to show up on Saturday.

Who knows? Maybe this is my month with no period and a baby instead. Maybe that's just wishful thinking. As crazy as wishing for a baby that doesn't resemble Mike Ehrmantraut.

9 comments:

  1. Sorry but I am sitting here laughing SO hard right now. I know that every parent thinks they have the most beautiful baby ever. I have to admit that I have seen plenty of ugly babies. I think most little boys look like old men. All wrinkly and big foreheads with no hair. Of course I will also think that my baby is the most beautiful in the whole world and stay blissfully blinded :)

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    1. Of course your baby will be beautiful! And mine will too. It's just all the OTHER babies out there that are unfortunate...at least that's what I tell myself.

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  2. I hear ya....some of them just aren't cute. I feel like I would be honest if my baby just didn't look cute?? Of course I say that now but that could change if I ever did have a baby haha!

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    1. Right? New parents always talk about how sweet and cute their new baby is. I'm totally going to be the honest mom that admits not only does my baby look like an old man, she's also kind of an asshole--screaming all the time, smells terrible, won't let me sleep...Well, I guess that may all change if I ever have one!

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  3. Your descriptions of what babies look like made me laugh…thanks for that. Hope your 2WW flies by.

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  4. You are cracking me up....Mike Ehrmentraut! bahaha! Glad you are so honest. We just sat in the doctor's office looking at two bulletin boards filled with collages of weird looking babies. Seriously, the fact they make weird faces doesn't help the oddly shaped and out of proportion features on some of them. And yes, as you said....some are genuinely adorable. It's very hit or miss! haha! Hey, you've got to find some humor admidst all the TTC'ing ya know. I don't blame you one bit. :)

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  5. I agree, some newborns just aren't very cute. I thought my boy looked like an old man in a few pictures. He also has a very recessed chin and is a hairy little beast. BUT, I still think he's pretty adorable! My girl has crazy big cheeks, but more than that she screams ALL THE TIME. But I still happen to think she's pretty cute. I hope you get to have one of your own soon and that I get the opportunity to know your description of him/her because I have a feeling it be pretty hilarious!

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    1. I love your honesty! And I agree, babies can be both adorable and kind of funny-looking.

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