Monday, June 9, 2014

Code Red

I'm calling it. This cycle is dead.

It's not officially CD1 yet, but it's either today or tomorrow. I spotted on and off yesterday, and even a little bit on Saturday. So I, of course, googled "spotting in early pregnancy" for about the millionth time. Even though every period I've ever had since I was 12 years old started with a day or two of brown spotting. It should never be a surprise. It's never a pregnancy symptom. And yet I still google that every. single. month. The top google return for me should just be YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT! STOP GOOGLING AND GO OUTSIDE. Instead, it's some babywebsite forum with tons of women confirming that they spotted right around five weeks and they were TOTALLY PREGNANT. And someone chimes in with some statistics about a huge percentage of women spotting in early pregnancy (it's just getting rid of some leftover blood from last month - totally normal!) I'm an idiot.

My temperatures are hovering at a taunting mid-range. They're lower than the original surge and subsequent spike, but they're higher than my normal baseline temp and period temp drop. They're like the NSA - refusing to confirm or deny anything.

I started taking both Vitex and Vitamin B6 this morning. Bobby commented that I'm much too young to be taking this many meds (these are in addition to the Prenatal vitamin I've been taking for two and half years and the Baby Asprin also sitting on the counter). I almost laughed. These aren't even close to the number of meds many IVF ladies take--and those are in addition to shots! But I'm going to keep that world a secret from him. He'd faint at the idea of injecting me.

I sort of felt like I had cramps this morning, but they disappeared. I really only ever have one day of cramping--but I know Vitex can help with that too. I guess I'll take that as a bonus.

I promised myself an enormous, over-sized iced coffee with extra shots of espresso on Cycle Day 1. I'm not officially there yet, but I'm sure I'll be sipping that drink soon enough.

Back to square one.

P.S. Sorry I left you all hanging over the weekend. I didn't think anyone would really care, but my pageviews for the last post were crazy high--so I guess at least a few of you were checking in on me. I was planning on posting as soon as something happened. But I was stuck in limbo all weekend with nothing to report. My temperatures weren't indicating anything, and I wasn't bleeding yet either. I was never planning on testing until at least today--but now that seems unnecessary.

Thank you all for your kind words and support. This is horrible as it is, but it would be so much worse without all of you.

11 comments:

  1. Well that stinks! I am so sorry this cycle didn't turn out the way we all hoped it would for you :( HUGS!

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    1. Thanks, Amie. I will take those hugs.

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  2. Still holding on to hope until Cd1 appears!

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    1. It appeared - but I appreciate the hope. It's nice to have you in my corner, Toni!

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  3. Googling things that happen every single month before my period to somehow make them mean the complete opposite? Ding ding ding! Been there. I'm so sorry, L. I wish, since pregnancy is way out of our control, there was at least a way to turn the crazy valve down to a trickle - I don't hold out much hope though. Have you thought any more about next steps/meds/a second opinion from a GYN? It sounds to me like you're ready for that. Even if it doesn't yield the desired result, it's a step in the right direction.

    And if I can tell you one great thing that came from my RE appointment, it's that the doctor told me this: "People get frustrated when they've been trying for a while so they start changing their lifestyles, hoping it will make a difference - they give up caffeine, alcohol, exercise - but those really aren't the reason." She told me a daily coffee is perfectly fine, as is social drinking (without explicitly stating it, I'm pretty sure she meant, you know, moderately) and vigorous exercise at any point in your cycle. Those aren't the reason we're not pregnant, nor will they keep us from getting or staying pregnant. She said not being miserable during this whole process is more indicative of success than cutting out all your "vices". I wanted to kiss her on the mouth.

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    1. Turning down the crazy would be a huge bonus. But yeah, probably not likely. I'm pondering going back to a doctor (not sure which kind yet), I actually have a half-written post about it. I should finish that.

      Your doctor sounds amazing. I've taken a similar approach, refusing to believe that coffee or alcohol or sports or anything really (other than, you know, messed up things inside my body) are keeping me from getting me pregnant. She sounds like a wonderful person to have on your side.

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  4. I do this too. It makes me feel like a crazy person. At least we're crazy together.

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    1. Thanks, Aramis. At least my crazy is in good company.

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  5. AF hasn"t declared her appearance until you need a tampon

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    1. And she made quite the grand entrance yesterday afternoon.

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  6. Huge bummer! Ugh. AF sucks. Glad you got your nice big iced coffee to lift your spirits.

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