I keep coming back to this blog. I've done a pretty good (good - not great) job of keeping up with reading and commenting on most of your blogs. But I've done a pretty terrible job of writing. I want to write here, I want to document this pregnancy, largely because the adorable pregnancy tracking book that my mother-in-law sent me is completely empty. I haven't written a thing. This blog is the only place where I've kept track of what's going on since the beginning. And even that has been hit or miss.
So I keep coming here, opening a new post and staring at the screen. The only thought I can get typed out is: I should write something. And that's not exactly a captivating opening line. I feel like I should write something because some of you have invested time and interest in my story, and I know I feel disappointed when bloggers I like suddenly disappear. I should write because there are many things happening to my body that I don't understand and things I'm struggling with that I would love advice on, or at least your commiseration. I should write because I'm letting myself get stressed by work and family and holiday obligations and lack of sleep, and when I come to this place and let myself vent and be stressed and not even try to act like I have everything together - I feel better. I need a place where no one knows me so they can't judge me for acting like a crazy person sometimes.
So here I am.
I'm 21 weeks pregnant. We had our anatomy scan last week and were told everything looks good. No details, not much discussion, but at this point I'm taking that as a good thing. We did not find out the gender, but I'm still mostly convinced it's a girl (if it's a boy, please don't tell him that I thought he felt like a girl my whole pregnancy). Since we told the tech we didn't want to know the sex, she let us know when to "look away" while she was scanning that area. We were both like, really? The only reason I know that I'm looking at a hand is because you told me. You really think I can figure out blurry baby genitals? I closed my eyes anyway, but I have no idea if Bobby did. But I trust his ultrasound tech skills even less than mine. If he did figure it out, he's been really good about keeping it quiet.
I've also finally told everyone at work. It was getting necessary because my bump is pretty noticeable now and was getting really hard to hide, even in sweaters and over-sized flannels. I didn't tell everyone that I'm leaving though, as I'm afraid they'll assume I'll check out and not really be helpful my last few months here.
My boss kind of dropped a bomb on me that sealed the deal that I'm leaving though. I was prepared to possibly negotiate down to working 20 hours a week, which is what I was originally hired at (I'm currently at 32). I would see if I could be in the office only two days a week and work from home the rest of the hours. Before I was even able to ask about this, at my last meeting she informed me that after my 12 weeks of maternity leave, they want to make my position 40 hours a week and almost entirely in-office, only a few days per month allowed to work from home. I never wanted to be full-time here, since I wouldn't be able to keep coaching, and I definitely didn't want to increase my hours that much immediately after maternity leave. So...yeah. Decision made.
I also officially told the school where I coach that I'm pregnant. They are willing to hold my fall coaching job until summer, since I said I would like to keep the position. I'll just have to see what my work situation is like and how well we're adjusting to having a baby. It'll be much more difficult--do I bring the baby on the bus to games? What about to tournaments? Who will we find to babysit for full weekend tournaments while Bobby's working? What about the half hour or so between the time I go to practice and Bobby comes home from work? Do I bring the baby to practice until he can pick it up?--there's a lot to consider, but I'll let future Lilee deal with that.
We officially had our first Christmas last weekend at our house with Bobby's dad, stepmom, three brothers, and grandparents. It was a good time and I'm glad we were able to host it. We got some cute stuff for baby, including a really sweet blanket from Grandma Susie. In her last few years, it was hard for her to get around much, but she still wanted to do something worthwhile. So the only thing she really asked for for birthday or Christmas gifts was yarn. She knitted hundreds and hundreds of blankets in her last two years, donating them to military overseas, women's shelters, hospice homes, and NICUs. According to Bobby's stepmom (Grandma Susie's daughter), this gorgeous pink, blue, green, and yellow baby blanket was one of the last ones she made before she died. Of course, she didn't know we were going to get pregnant a few months later, but it was still a really special gift for us.
So, in the same spirit...I want to pay it forward and give back too. I actually meant to do this awhile ago, but then I got nervous about the pregnancy and decided to hold off. And then I forgot.
I have a large stash (originally 50ish?) of Wondfo OPK strips and probably 20ish Wondfo pregnancy tests. I got them on Amazon last summer when I decided to stop being a pussy and pretending like I couldn't figure out how to work them right. I only ended up using them for 2-3 cycles before getting pregnant, so there's still quite a few left. And they expire in April. If all goes well, I'll be delivering a baby in April, not peeing on sticks.
So...who wants them? I know most of you who comment regularly already have babies or are currently pregnant, or are pursuing IVF and not so much in the cycle-charting stage. But I know I have quite a few more readers who don't comment regularly who could maybe use them. So de-lurk yourself and let me know! If there are several people who could use them, I can split them up, or you can have the whole bundle. I'm not sure on exact counts since they are at home and I am not. I can figure it out if there's interest. All I ask in return is that you do something nice for a stranger: shovel their sidewalk, buy a cup of coffee, participate in an Angel Tree or Operation Christmas Child drive, or whatever else you can do!