Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Meet Cute

It's how two characters meet in a movie. 
Say a man and a woman both need something to sleep in, 
and they both go to the same men's pajama department. 
And the man says to the salesman, "I just need bottoms." 
The woman says, "I just need a top." 
They look at each other, and that's the meet cute.
- The Holiday

The meet cute is the basic staple of your romantic comedy. Two characters who are strangers and would likely never meet are suddenly thrust in a situation where they not only meet, but converse. There's instant emotion (positive or negative), and a relationship becomes inevitable after that moment. It's adorable. Right?

This is not how I met my husband. We "met" in about second grade. While I can't remember for sure, I doubt there was an adorable connection on the playground. In fact, he was hardly on my radar. The first time I remember him was when our classes were combined in fifth and sixth grade (he was a grade behind me). He was this weird super-athlete, super-nerd hybrid. Despite the fact that I was one of the most athletic girls in our class, he never picked me for his kickball team (he was ALWAYS captain).

That year, our school started this mini advanced placement class called "Enrichment Class" for about 8-10 students. Enrichment Class took us out of our general classroom during our Reading class, so it was for students who excelled in Reading and English. Since language is my strongest subject, I was chosen. So was Bobby. However, Enrichment Class wasn't focused on English or Reading--it was an advanced Science class, which is my nightmare. It was pretty obvious I didn't belong. I was a good reader, but terrible with all the science work we did. For one project, Bobby and I were assigned as partners. He convinced our teacher to reassign him, because I wasn't "enriching" him.

In junior high, we became sort of friends. He was nicer to me, but we never hung out outside of school. We had a lot of classes together and my girl friends and I liked to tease him about being so smart (I was an obnoxious junior high girl). He was also still an excellent athlete, so that impressed us. Eventually we started dating in high school (I think his totally romantic words were: Wanna be my girlfriend?). There was never a meet cute.

I bring this up because I often think about this in relationship to fertility. Bobby and I are seriously considering adoption as our next steps. It's something I've always wanted to do--I just assumed it would be after I had three or four of my own children (ha!). I'm looking at agencies, comparing international to domestic options, and budgeting. All I can think is Why is this so freaking expensive!? It's not fair. Babymaking shouldn't involve dipping into savings.
$10 for a cheap bottle of wine.
$5 for some lube.
$6 for some candles.
$3 for Barry White's All Time Greatest Hits CD.

And let's be honest--NONE of that is necessary. Those are luxuries. Totally unnecessary to pound one out for free in your bed (or on the floor, as we did this weekend while my in-laws were here). Sure, having kids is always going to be expensive, but making them shouldn't be. You shouldn't have to take out a loan, borrow from your parents, borrow against your life insurance, spend your retirement fund, or take out a second mortgage just to try to have a baby.

But all of this is reality when your sperm and egg refuse to just meet cute the romantic way.


  1. I love the movie The Holiday and I love the story of how you and Bobby came to be. You are right, having kids is already expensive. It's just not fair tha some of us have to take it so much further for the same dream of having a family. We are definitely one of those couples indebt up to our eyeballs getting to where we are today.

  2. This, for me is one of the most frustrating aspects of infertility. I've always prided myself in being fiscally responsible...I've worked hard to get to a point where I thought I was "settled" (aka financially prepared) enough to support a bigger family. I am still hoping things will happen with minimal intervention. But, the financially responsible part of me is like, "How long will it take before I have enough money to move forward with x, y, or z?" or "What will be left to take care of a baby if I spend all my money on just getting one?" or "Oh crap! I better not buy that because I need to save money for treatments/adoption!" It sucks. I have pretty good insurance, but anything fertility-related gets 0% coverage.

    P.S. My husband is a nerd/athlete hybrid too.