I know that question is on a lot of infertile bloggers "Do Not Ask List," but I honestly don't mind it. I'm assuming they scan my left hand, see that I'm married, acknowledge I'm of childbearing age, and ask an innocent question. It's also a question I can answer with a quick "Nope, no kids. How about you?"
When I started my current job a few years ago, we had a staff potluck lunch. According to office tradition, my new co-workers were able to bombard me with questions about myself. As a sort of private person, I was nervous going into this, but everyone was very kind. They asked about my college, previous work, parents, siblings, husband, house, pets, etc. At the time, we had been married less than a year and we were still actively trying NOT to get pregnant, and someone asked if we had kids. Without even thinking, I just said no, and moved on to the next question.
Most of the time I'm asked if I have kids, it's by either a stranger (and I can say no and move on), or by someone who has very little knowledge of my past, but is genuinely interested in getting to know me--like my new co-workers. I have no problem with the question "Do you have kids?" I find it similar to "Did you grow up in Minnesota?" or "Where did you go to college?"
The question I DO have a problem with generally comes from people I do know, and know I've been married for three and half years. People in my church, or the parents of kids I coach. They like to ask: "Why don't you have kids?" It comes off as accusingly...and somehow always sounds like, "Why do you hate kids?"Since I'm still dealing with my infertility anonymously, I generally answer that we're really enjoying our lives right now just the two of us, we're busy coaching YOUR children, or that I'm just too darn lazy and selfish take care of another person 24/7. Do you realize how much HGTV I would miss!?
So...your least favorite kids questions?
Getting asked if we had kids never bothered me either. People are curious. I've often asked other people the same question in just trying to have a conversation. I don't really recall anyone asking WHY we don't have kids, just WHEN. Having been married for 16 years already with no kids, you can imagine how many times I've been asked. I guess my least favorite question now is "are these hour first kids?" Answer: yes, and my last, but that has NOTHING to do with the fact that we wouldn't want more. We just CAN'T.
ReplyDelete